A Holiday Dilemma

I need your help.

Most of the readers of this silly little blog know me, and my personal situation. For the benefit of those who don’t, I will try to summarize. In August, I left my wife. It was the result of a long period of her being wrapped up in her own world. There wasn’t any cheating on anyones part, and I had hoped that it would be a relatively friendly split and we could, in spite of the cliche, remain friends. For the first month and a half, it appeared that would be the case. She called daily for the first several weeks, but appeared to be getting it figured out that we were not going to be together as a couple anymore. But we were, for the first time in a long time, able to talk about things that friends talk about. Movies, mutual interests, so on and so forth.

Suddenly, the calls stopped. I had mixed feelings about it, because it meant she was no longer thinking this was a temporary deal, but also, on occasion, I missed the friendship that seemed to be beginning anew. I sent her a couple of emails, not saying anything important, they were just links to things that I knew would interest her. There was no response. Not long ago, I heard about a crisis in her family, and called to offer whatever support I could, but mostly just to let her know that I felt bad about what was happening and see if she wanted to talk about it at all. Also, I wanted to get some information about what had happened, because her family had been my family for about six years. I got her voice mail, left a message, and there was no response.

So, I have to assume that she has made the transition from hopeful to hateful, which saddens me a bit. Due to the fact that she has ongoing medical issues, I did not file for divorce immediately upon leaving. She needed the insurance, and I wasn’t hateful enough to drop her from it. So, due to residency laws, I cannot even file for divorce for another nine months, at least. So, we are separated, with no legal documentation showing that.

All of this leads up to the dilemma. The holidays are coming. Do I get her a Christmas present or not?

I welcome any and all opinions, either as a comment to this post, or as a email to me. Those of you who know me also know my email address if you would rather keep your opinions off of this public forum. I am not asking what I should do. Ultimately, I will make the decision myself, but I welcome any other insights and opinions.

The Comic Struggle

As much as I have enjoyed doing the comic, it seems to be a source of frustration for me. I have always struggled with drawing the things I see in my head. They just don’t seem to translate to the page for me. It’s almost like I can see the picture, and in my mind, I can see the individual strokes of the pencil to place in on the page, but then my hand doesn’t want to cooperate. But I don’t have that same problem when I have a reference picture in front of me, which you can see by the “filler material” I put up. I probably did that pencil drawing in the same amount of time that I spent putting together the first three panel comic.
I read a LOT of webcomics. I look at the artwork, and it just seems so fluid. Like the artist just sat down with a sharpie and a napkin at a McDonald’s and these clean lines spewed forth, while the other hand ate a Filet-o-Fish. A lot of my problem, I think, is that I cant seem to find the balance between a “comic” view and a realistic view. I want to do the simple drawings, clean lines that still get the point across, but I always seem to wind up getting bogged down in some stupid detail. I spend an hour or two sketching and re-sketching just trying to make that stupid back pocket look right.  I read the comics that I like, then I study the art itself and try to see how its done. My right and left brain get into a massive fist fight over this. The art side is screaming about how you just need to let it flow, while the intellectual side is arguing about how it “just doesn’t LOOK right.” I seriously think that if I wasn’t pressuring myself to do a drawing quick, I would be drawing individual hairs in my beard, getting upset because I did not get that one right at the corner of my mouth that always curls in and bugs the hell out of me. “It’s not important!” screams the art side, its just a representation!” And the other side shouts back “But it isn’t accurate!“

So, I struggle. I have several ideas, several comics in my head, but getting them to flow and fit into the boxes is also a struggle. So I came up with an idea. Fuck the number of boxes. Use as many as you need to tell the story. That worked, and I was able to finish the sketches on the comic I was working on. But it wound up being depressing rather than funny, and it never got past the sketch stage. I either have to find a way to make it funny, or save it for later when it may actually be poignant.

I am also struggling with the graphics tablet. For a brief moment, I forgot the adage that an old friend taught me: “Pay for the best and never regret it.” I spent $50 for a graphics tablet to try it out when the “real” one runs about $300. You just don’t get three hundred dollar quality for fifty bucks. The nib on the pen sticks occasionally, and when you have 1024 pressure points in a quarter inch of play, that is a HUGE deal. The pen is battery operated, which means that you get used to its quirks about the time the battery goes dead, then you put in a new battery and the damn thing is too responsive, more than what you had just gotten used to.

I saw the inspiration for a new comic, part of the single panel WTF moments that I see around here. If I can tear myself away from the new World of Warcraft expansion for a while, I might be able to get it down on the digital page and posted. But tonight, I play WoW, and tomorrow I make my famous Cherry (and one of strawberry this time) Dessert for an office party.

Various Updates

I originally started this blog as a way to get some of my pent up emotions out. I had always heard that if you were struggling with something you couldn’t talk about, you should write it down. Different variations on the theme, such as write a letter you don’t intend to send, keep a diary, whatever. So that is what I was doing. In the back of my mind, I suppose I had hoped to become one of those popular bloggers that get hundreds or thousands of readers, but that isn’t the case. My personal interests and the things happening in my life are just so compartmentalized, that by their nature, there isn’t a huge interest. So I started using the blog to let the few people who read the thing know what is going on with me. That amounts to about a half dozen people who actually know me, half of those I talk to on a regular basis.

The point is, I am not sure why I do this anymore. I keep checking the stats, but I my most popular post is one I wrote a long time ago about an experience I had with my sister. In that post, I talked about riding my motorcycle alongside my sister who was on a four wheeler like the guys from CHiP’s. The make of the four wheeler and the names Ponch and Jon are the things that get the most search engine hits. Now this one will too, I suppose.

So anyway, I decided to give a few updates again. First on the agenda, the social scene. I gave up. I tried going out to places where I could meet new people, maybe have a few laughs. This area reminds me of high school. I went to two separate bars on several occasions, and found both to be the same microcosms. There were groups of people, and if you weren’t already a member of those groups, you weren’t going to be a member of them.  I usually wound up sitting at the bar, watching the groups interact and occasionally trying a friendly “Hi,” but except for one person, there was only a courteous “hello” returned. So, I gave up. I could stay home and be bored, and it didn’t cost me five bucks a beer and a half hour drive. I suppose when the time comes that I get lonely enough, there are always the strip clubs. It’s their job to make you think they are interested in you and everything about you. I know it isn’t true, but sometimes you just have to suspend your disbelief to enjoy life a little.

I have had an opportunity to write some more on the book. It has been difficult, because I only have one “fan” who waits for the next chapter, and she has already heard the whole thing. So it seems that I am only doing it for me, and then it becomes easy to put it off. But, I have posted three new chapters in the past week, and I have found that I am enjoying the process again. It has been so long since I wrote it, that sometimes what happens comes as a surprise to me. I get to do the second draft edits while I type it up, and I am getting excited. I am getting closer to the denouement, and I think that is the part I am most happy with. So, hopefully, I can maintain my focus and get the book done before too long. If you are reading it, and you are enjoying it, let me know. Let others know. If you know someone who has the same literary interests, tell them about it.  If you aren’t reading it, the link is over there on the right. Give it a look. I am still hoping to self publish the thing eventually, probably on the Kindle to start with. I am afraid that if I don’t get enough interest in this book, the second one will never get finished. And that one focuses on Tink.

Once upon a time, I used to get very interested in Photoshop Contests on Fark.com. I enjoyed playing with Photoshop and this looked fun. While looking around the web for other examples, I stumbled across HeroMorph.  This was a fun place. People were taking photos found on the web, usually nekkid wimmins, and using photoshop to “paint” superhero costumes on them. At the time, the community was very active, and there are some really talented artists out there. I tried my hand at it, and posted this. I was really happy with it, and was even nominated for the “Best First Manip” award. I didn’t win, but hey, you know, an honor and everything to be nominated. I did the whole picture using a laptop and one of those laptop style mini-mice. Ever since, I have wanted a Wacom graphics tablet. If you don’t know what those are, they basically give you a electronic mouse pad and a pencil to use as the mouse. They are much better for control, and feels a lot more natural for drawing. But they are VERY expensive. Even the smallest one $100, and wanted a bigger one. In the time since then, other manufacturers have begun making graphics tablets that are cheaper, and I finally bought one last week.

That brings us to the next point. If you combine the previous two chapters, you can see how I came to have this idea. I have always enjoyed drawing, and the experiences I was having in bars were so odd, I thought that I could do a webcomic based on those experiences. So, after getting the graphics tablet I made a webcomic. The link is over there on the right, its called True Tick Tales. Right now, I have just made a new blog to post the pics in, but if I make more, and they get a few hits, I may put them up on a site designed around webcomics instead of blogs. Again, please take a look and offer opinions.

A friend told me that I have more hobbies than anyone he has ever met. I think this could very well be true. I look in my storage shed and see all the hobby related boxes. Drawing, movies, writing, anime, cross stitch (shut up) and Lego’s. I have been able to get my Lego’s out and put them together, and have been enjoying myself immensely. I can finally put them together and actually leave them together for a while without worrying about a goddamn cat shoving them on the floor and scattering pieces everywhere. I have already found two sets that are missing pieces, and I only hope that I can find them in the Lego Bulk Brick section to replace them. The Grain Combine is missing a taillights on the right side, as well as its CB Antenna, and the Dinosaur Hunting Helicopter is missing its nose gun, and one of the mini-figs is without a weapon. Shameful. But the big Lego set, the Mother Of All Lego’s, is the Millennium Falcon. Oh. My. GAWD! I have wanted this thing since it was announced. It’s HUGE. It has one of the largest piece counts of any Lego set. It is built to scale around the mini-figs. It is also very expensive. Very, very expensive.

I have a big Corona Bottle Bank that I toss my loose change in, and that is my “Get the Falcon, and maybe the Star Destroyer, and if there is some left over, the Taj Mahal and Eiffel Tower” Lego fund. As you can see, there is still a lot of room left in the bottle. Not long ago, I counted the change, and its just shy of $200. I estimate that when the bottle is full, it will be more than a thousand dollars in change. I dont know if I can wait that long. I have seriously considered making a new page on this site and adding a “Donate Now” button to my PayPal account. I figure that if that one guy can make a million dollars selling pixels on his web page for a buck a piece, maybe I could get some interest on Digg to get enough people to “Help fill the bottle” and then blog about building them, along with pics. Obviously, I really want those Lego’s.

So, anyway, that’s it for the update. At least all I can think of at the moment. Please help me promote the book, and the comic. Spread the word.

Political Musings

I started having feelings of Deja Vu a month or so ago. It was about the same time I started going to a nice little Irish bar in a college town. Institutions of higher learning typically seem to have a very liberal, left leaning stance on politics. Before you start thinking I am falling into some conservative rhetoric, understand that I worked at a college in Texas, a red state, and 95% of the professors offices I visited had, posted on their walls or doors, comics or commentary critical of Republicans or President Bush. Whether or not they were able to keep these opinions out of the classroom or not, the still advertised their positions to the students. So, I was sitting in the bar, mostly looking at girls, but noticing the guys they were there with. For the most part, these guys had Napoleon Dynamite hair, curly or just plain long and shaggy, no styling at all. In other words, they looked like they just rolled out of bed after sleeping with wet hair. Many of them had full beards in the same grooming style. They wore a lot of flannel.

As the election got closer, I began to overhear political conversations when I went to the bar. I wasn’t surprised by the tone of the conversations, but what I was a little surprised about was how people could make such inherently contradictory statements, and believe them both to be true. I listened to a conversation between the bartender an a 40-ish woman, where she asserted the following statements within five minutes.

“George Bush is a fucking idiot! My goddamn DOG is smarter than that son-of-a-bitch!”
“George Bush manipulated the whole country into going to war just to get oil so he and his cronies would get richer.”

So, according to this lady, a retarded monkey can orchestrate the whole 9/11 thing to make money, and no one has figured it out or gotten proof. Come on. Clinton couldn’t even get a blow job in the Oval Office without the whole world finding out.

It was at this point I figured out the déjà vu. I was living in the early 70’s again. The hair, the clothes, the unpopular war, the unpopular President, the protests, and mostly… The anger. I cannot believe how much anger there is regarding this election, how much hatred. It was the biggest reason I lost ( or so I thought) any interest in the election. After it was decided, I found myself a bit depressed by the outcome. Not necessarily because my party lost the presidency, but because I worry about the Democrats having majority control over all three branches of the government.

Don’t on’t misunderstand. I am not a right wing radical. I don’t believe everything the hard core conservatives do. For instance: I don’t believe that gays should be denied the right to get married. I really don’t believe the government should be involved in the marriage process at all. I believe the sex trade should be legal. If we say a woman has the right to do what she wants with her body when it comes to abortion, why not sex?

Back to the election. believe that this election was decided on three factors, in order of increasing importance: 1) Political Policies; 2) Skin Color; 3) Hatred of Bush and his party.

I also base it on the belief that Obama’s supporters believe something along these lines. If you dont want to click, I will sum up: a woman celebrating Obama’s win states for the news that she will no longer have to worry about paying her mortgage, or for her gas. Now, I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt and say that she doesnt believe that Obama is gonna pay for those things, but that he will solve the mortgage and gas crisis. But I think many people do feel that way, and when the candidate repeatedly talks about sharing the wealth, is it any surprise that people think he will be taking money from the wealthy and giving it to the poor? Why do they believe that one man has this ability?

The reason for number two is twofold. I think that many people are very anxious to be a part of history. We heard our grandparents talk about WWII. We heard our parents talk about Vietnam and protesting and Civil Rights. These are big issues, and they lived through it. Louie Anderson said it best: What are we gonna tell our kids? “I didn’t get cable until I was 12!” We want to be a part of history, and this is history. The first black president. (I don’t believe in hyphenated Americans. Everybody who is a citizen is an American, and personally, I don’t feel the need to separate us into smaller groups than that) And the second reason is because of what used to be called reverse-discrimination. I know that this is probably the least reputable source, but Howard Stern played interviews where people in Harlem were asked why they supported Obama, and then asked if they supported his policy of X. Replace X with a McCain policy. All of them supported the policy, as long as Obama did.

The third is self explanatory.

Politics is all about power. Plain and simple. The reasons behind wanting that power is varied, but the power is ultimate. We have one party in power of all three houses, and this makes me nervous. Even if it was the Republican party. I believe in the system of checks and balances, because there are wackos on both sides of the political fence, and I don’t want them getting their wacky ideas passed with no argument, or in spite of the arguments. I think that the next two years are going to be spent trying to get a larger control of the house and senate. A presidents first term is spent doing what it takes to get a second term. The second term is spent trying to keep the party in power and doing the things promised in the first term. I personally feel that the next four years will be spent making sure that the approval rating is high, to secure a second term. I also think that in the second term, the subject will be brought up about eliminating the two term limit on Presidents, providing Obama is still riding the popularity wave. I will give the man this, he is an excellent orator, he can fire up a crowd. But I think he will be constantly ridden by his own party to approve whatever they send up the hill. I sincerely hope that he stays “almost center,” but I think the change he was talking about will be shocking to those who are mostly conservative in values, but still voted for him.

I think we are going to see a harder push for the typical left policies, and they may actually get passed now. Abortion rights, gay marriage, the environment, immigration (legal and illegal) and gun control. These are the issues that have been stymied by the Republicans, and Democrats haven’t given up in spite of loss after loss.

I think they are tired of losing, and they wont be doing it anymore.

On Politics, Religion and the Internet

It’s the day before the election, and the blog-o-sphere is all a-Twitter (pun intended) concerning the candidates and different ballot issues. I read a couple of different social news sites, Fark.com and Digg.com, and sometimes the comments are more interesting than the stories. I fear for our race.

First off, Politics. This is a charged topic in any election, but never before have we as a people had more access to news and opinion. The Internet has allowed us to share our own opinions with greater ease and reach larger populations then ever before. Except this particular blog. According to my own informal survey of the social news sites, there is no such thing as a swing voter, we are all firmly ensconced in one camp or another, and anyone who isnt in our camp is stupid, out of touch, socialist, fascist, nazi, racist, gay, or all of the above. I dont think I have ever lived through a more politically charged atmosphere. I saw a news story the day where a McCain supporter, whose house is surrounded by Obama supporters continually had his campaign signs on his lawn replaced. Not just stolen, which I have seen before, but the signs pulled from his lawn and replaced with the Obama signs. He got fed up and wired up a motion sensing camera to record the culprit, and for good measure, attached the metal framework to one of those invisible electric dog fence systems. In other words, whoever tried to steal his sign would receive an electric shock, and he would get to watch the video of it later. I can get behind this, a non-lethal punishment for a petty crime, along with a funny video for YouTube. It turns out the culprit was a 9 year old boy. He was walking up with the Obama sign, got zapped and went running away. Does a nine year old really  understand enough about politics to replace a sign? I don’t think so. The best part was the different new organizations that covered this story. The neutral ones stated in their headline that the boy was “shocked.” The left leaning organizations,  described him as “electrocuted.” Merriam-Webster defines electrocute in two ways, both involve death by electricity. But the outraged comments on Fark wanted to know what kind of horrible person would electrocute a nine year old.

Religion is another interesting area of these social news sites. I have seen a trend, and Scientology is the most hated religious organization on the Internet. Followed closely by the Mormons. It is the Mormon aspect that I want to talk about today, as I saw two separate stories on-line discussing the Mormon churches support of a California bill which establishes marriage to be defined as a union between one man and one woman. For the comments on these stories, this means that the LDS church is anti-gay. Really? This is news to you people? A religious organization that uses the Bible as part of its teaching is against homosexuality? That big book that describes two cities that were wiped out by God for being so sinful, specifically mentioning homosexuality as one of the reasons, is against homosexuality? The name of one of those cities is used to describe a sex act, and you think religious organizations would be against homosexuality?

But, the Mormon church is an easy target, just like Scientology. A long time ago, a man said that he heard the word of God, and started telling people that God said to be good to your families, your friends and neighbors, and pretty much everybody else, and that you should also tell others that they should do the same. Oh, those wacky Mormons! Wait… isn’t that what all religions teach, except that most say that if they don’t believe what you say, you are going to hell. And in some cases, the faithful should expedite your trip to hell. Granted, there are some quirky things in the Mormon religion that make it easy to make fun of or be offended by. The “magic” underwear, polygamy, the whole story of the founding of the church. They are hard to swallow. It’s called FAITH. You have to believe in something that you cant see, that defies logic. The only people who speak out against any religion that I have a modicum of respect for is true atheists. At least they are against all religion. But those who say that Mormons are stupid for their beliefs while still celebrating holidays around a man who died and came back and will be coming back again have no room to talk.

I was brought up a Mormon. I went to all the classes, I listed to every talk. I was taught Mormon doctrine my whole life. How interesting it is for me to see all the postings on the Internet talking about what Mormons believe. In all my Sunday School classes, all the hours of Seminary, all the talks, I have never once heard the word Kolob. But according to the internet, Mormons believe that we came from the planet Kolob. Apparently we also believe that when we die, we get a planet of our very own. And that we will have eleventy-seven wives. The Internet also tells us that the founder of the LDS religion was a con artist, telling people that God spoke to him and told him how we should live. How insane! God doesnt talk to people! Oh, except the Pope, cuz that’s different. And magic underwear, how ridiculous! Next thing you know you can only address your congregation while wearing a big honkin hat. And the Mormons have a sacrament, where they believe that the bread is the flesh and blood of Jesus. How stupid! Oh, wait. They arent the only religion that does that, but that’s different. Because, that’s why.

But this is the best part.  Here are actual quotes from some of the comments:

I don’t really like the fact that this non-Christian cult is forcing their morality on the state of California. These are the same batshiat-insane folks who think that God resides on a planet called Kolob, their secret undergarments protect them from evil, and if they lead a “moral” life, they will each become gods of their own planet after death. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad.

Next election cycle, I’m starting an initiative to create a state constitutional amendment banning the practice of Mormonism in California.

Support a constitutional ban on Mormonism!

And if you get lucky, you can get an extermination order for them too.

That’ll show ‘em!

/intolerant Mormons
//kill them all!

Mormons are intolerant, therefore they should not be tolerated. Hypocrisy defined. So, let me get this straight. The Mormons don’t believe what you do, that gays should be allowed to be married, so they shouldn’t be allowed to exist? Your argument is that this religion has beliefs that you don’t, so they shouldn’t be allowed to believe them, let alone speak out regarding those beliefs? Huh? How can you not see the hypocrisy in this?

You don’t have to believe what others believe, but you should at least respect them enough to allow them to believe it. You know, like the Constitution guarantees.