Human Devolution

The older I get, and the more I actually take the time to look at our society, the more I believe that the movie Idiocracy is a prescient documentary. I wonder sometimes how we can look at the collective intelligence of the general populace and still think we are powerful enough to permanently change the earth’s climate. Of course, some argue that it is our stupidity that is changing the climate, but that isn’t the topic for today.

The top of the food chain, Homo Sapiens. The most dramatic example of a creature that will adapt the environment to suit itself rather than the adapt to fit the environment. If we want to live where it’s hot, we bring our air conditioners. Too cold? Man make fire! Or run up an electric bill, but you get the point. We seem to be taking pride in our ignorance, showing it off for the others to see. We have a show on about being smarter than a fifth grader. I refuse to watch it. I know that not everyone will win, there will be those that are not, in fact, smarter than a fifth grader. And they will feel no shame, they will merely be upset about not gaining anything other than the home game. And they think they deserve it, too. Even if they lose. You want to make the show interesting? Make it “Are you smarter than a fifth grader that was educated in Japan.”

I have been watching a lot of Anime lately, and a good portion of them have a protagonist who is attempting to get into college. I don’t subscribe to the notion that I can glean the fabric of a society from its animated offerings, but one has to assume that if the creators are attempting to market a product to an audience, they must make characters who the audience can identify with. These protagonists spend a YEAR going to a prep school to pass the exams to see if they will be allowed to go to college. In other words, college is a privilege, not a party. You have to work at it, and you have to work hard.

If you want to see the best example of the mindset of our own culture, just look to the highways. A modicum of forethought will tell you that when the sign says “Exit 1/2 mile” you shouldn’t wait another 1/3 of a mile before attempting to jam your vehicle into the next lane. Find a spot and merge, people. And do the math regarding distance vs. time. You have five miles to go, you go 60 mph, it takes you 5 minutes. If you go 70 and crawl up someones tailpipe the whole time, you are endangering others lives for the sake of about 30 seconds.  Only on long trips will there be a significant time savings. But everyone has to go fast, everyone has to be first. Death before yielding! I was passed on the highway the other day by someone who I estimate was going about 90. I maintained my speed, and 5 miles later, I was sitting right behind them at the stop light at the end of the off ramp. He was weaving in and out of traffic, brake lights flashing everywhere and didn’t get anywhere any faster than I did. Moron.

Do you ever think that it occurs to people that if they had just driven a little further down the parking lot instead of waiting for the person in the close-up spot to leave they would already be inside? No, they have to sit there with their blinker on for 5 minutes until the car in slot #2 unloads the cart, puts the kids in the car seat, gets in the car, starts it, puts on the seat belt (maybe) all while talking on the cell phone, adjusts the air conditioner and then finally put the car in reverse and waits for the cars to pass before they back into traffic. But the traffic isn’t going anywhere, it has to have that damn spot so they don’t have to walk their fat ass any farther then they have to.

I never really received high marks in my English classes, but I have read enough to know how the language should sound. Diagramming sentences was a mystic practice akin to voodoo, and if someone told my I had a dangling participle I would check my fly. But it drives me crazy to hear words mispronounced, incorrect sentence structure and just plain language laziness. I will admit, I have certain words that I am guilty of butchering. For example, I pronounce the word “creek” as “crick.” And I have argued about it. But I also know that there is no “U” in the words similar or nuclear. And I cannot keep my eyes from rolling when I hear those words pronounced sim-you-lar or nuke-you-lar.

I seem to be on a roll here, so I may as well re-hash the overused topics. Underwear goes under clothes, its how it got its name. Pull up your damn pants. The statement you think you are making by piercing and tattooing isn’t the one that you are actually making. Don’t show your cleavage if it isn’t legal to do anything with it. Comb your damn hair. Drive up to at least the speed limit on the highway. If you have a full shopping cart, and the person behind you has three things, let them go first. If you only have enough money for a limited amount of groceries, do the math in the aisle, don’t wait for the total and start taking things off until you have enough.

Last, but most important, Don’t Be A Dick.

Gender Swap

Work schedules and looming deadlines for personal projects has severely limited my blogging time. I have had opportunities to think of topics, but no time to get them down on digital paper.

Something has happened in the last decade or so. It snuck up on us, and we should have seen it coming. It all started a long time ago in the sixties. When I was young, and I read and heard about the burning of bras, my thought was “Awesome, a bunch of bra-less women running around!” Now that I am older and I understand what that was all about, I am noticing things. I noticed all the articles and news stories and the general attitude that women were wanting sensitive men back in the day. In short, they wanted a man who had the sensitivities of a woman. Since men want to get laid, they followed the trend and for the most part, it seems to have stuck. Oh, to be sure, there are still the Man’s Men, and we still have the masculinity, but a few things that have always been stereotypically assigned to the male role have been usurped.

For instance, when I was in high school, there was a song by The Police that described a male educator lusting after a female student. There really wasn’t a big uproar about it, it seems as though that was a part of the accepted male psyche. Fast forward to the present and it seems that every other day there is a female educator being arrested for having sex with a male student. The men of my generation don’t understand the outrage. From the guys I have talked to, we all had one teacher that we would have gladly taken the plunge with. When I see the articles posted on FARK.com, the posted headline always states the “I would hit it” comment. In other words, we would have given anything in our high school days to be having sex with the recently busted female. Most of us still would. We are torn between the socially imposed sense of outrage and our male desire to give the student a high five.

Another thing I have noticed. I have been looking forward to my midlife crisis for quite some time. Hit that age and buy a flashy red convertible and cruise for women half my age. As I look around, I see that half of the flashy red sports cars on the road are being driven by attractive women half my age. How the hell am I supposed to impress them now? They have a nicer car than I do. The other half of the flashy sports cars are being driven by women a decade older than me. It would appear that it is now the women who get to go through the mid-life crisis and drive a flashy sports car. It kind of ruins the old joke, I cant remember which comedienne said it, but she stated that when she saw a middle aged man in a sports car she wanted to shout “Sorry about your penis!” How do you shout that to a woman that could be your own mother? Now the only thing I can think of to drive during my mid-life crisis is a huge four wheel drive pickup truck. But the ladder I would need to get in would seriously reduce my street cred.

The last thing I can think of right now that shows that women have overtaken men in the mid-life crisis department is the Cougars. Have you seen the stories? Apparently the MILF’s now know that they are MILF’s and want to find the willing early twenties stud to romp around with. I am always at the right place in the wrong time. When I was young, all the girls wanted older guys. Now that I am older, they all want want younger guys. My only hope now is to spend the next 30 years becoming a billionaire and hope Anna Nicole clones show up topless on my doorstep.

 p.s. Those curious about the efficacy of my last post, it was rather disappointing.